Mental Health has been a part of my life for over 7 years. I first had thoughts of wanting to take my life in 7th grade, at 12 years old. Nervous, scared and hiding it all from the world, I was ashamed of who I was. Not knowing what I was going through, I was scared for anyone else to know. Over the next couple years it got worse and self harm came into the picture. I was still hiding, still afraid of what it would look like to everyone else. Was I just soft? Why am I randomly crying? Why am I self harming to feel pain other than what I am going through? Hiding something so real felt like something I needed to do. But I didn't, I wish I knew then what I knew now; That it is okay, not to be okay. May of 2017, was the first time I attempted to take my own life. I was the lowest I had ever been and simply did not know where to go. I was hospitalized and eventually had to tell one of my closest teammates, Zach Hollywood. Zach was one of a kind; I was a sophomore while he was a freshman when we first met. We shared a lot of similar interest which made it so easy for us to have a relationship on and off the court. Of those similarities, the biggest was our passion for Individuals with disabilities. I am blessed to be able to host camps for different down syndrome organizations (Louisville, Indiana and Ontario.) My first real interaction with Zach was him coming to my hometown of Louisville, Kentucky to help me with camp his first weekend at Ball state. This weekend was the moment that God not only made us best friends, but he made us family. Zach ended up red shirting that year, becoming my biggest fan and someone who kept me calm in moments I may have struggled on and off the court. I found my teammate and best friend after taking his own life August 22nd, 2017 the day after my birthday. August 21st was one of my favorite birthdays ever. I had a party and all my friends, teammates and any one that was close to me was there. Zach had been struggling and still managed to show up to celebrate my birthday. I remember seeing him and thinking to myself this is the happiest I had seen him in so long. I felt like change was happening in his life and I was so excited to see it. The next day everything changed. I woke up the next morning with 4 missed calls and 2 voicemails. After class, still not hearing from him (Nor listening to the voicemails, scared of what I might hear) I went to his apartment to check on him. There he was, my best friend… Gone forever The days, weeks, months and now even years have been hard. But as the saying goes, Time heals all wounds and I have come to terms with what happened on that day. I decided to change my number from 41 to Zach’s number 24 to keep his legacy alive… I have graduated college and even became a professional basketball player... But the most important things are I strengthened my relationship with the Lord and finally DECIDED I WANT TO BE ALIVE… Although life is never easy i now truly understand that it's okay not to be okay.. For 24 reasons… These 24 reasons are charities that mean the most to me and charities that I know Zach would have loved as well… 1% of each sale will go to each individual charity listed... 24% total sales will be donated to charities!
My 24 reasons are here.. let’s work to find yours
And always remember, Its okay not to be okay
Forever And Always
Trey Moses